Coaching

It's almost time for back-to-school and the start of new athletic seasons.  This brings coaching and leadership to mind.  Even if you think you're not in a coaching or leadership role, you are.

We live in an inverted pyramid of relationships, with our self at the bottom.  From there, we might be in any number of relationships, including dyads (with a spouse or partner), teams, social organizations, work, community, etc.  All of these offer opportunities for coaching and leadership - of ourselves or others - whether formal or informal.  

There are two types of coaching:  coaching with compassion and coaching for compliance.

Coaching with compassion means coaching a person toward their dreams and passions and values.  The person feels cared for and understood, and it's been proven to arouse genuine compassion in the coach.  

People coached this way are more open to new ideas and perceptions, and are more engaged with their ideal self.  Businesses that institute this type of coaching find that it increases profitability.

Coaching for compliance is the more common type of coaching.  Performance evaluations are a typical example.  Most managers discuss a person's accomplishments, then move on to the things they should do to improve.  This type of coaching puts people in a defensive posture.  They are more focused on their "ought" self, which is frequently based on other people's expectations.  Self-doubt and guilt are common.

Good leaders engage in resonant relationships, meaning they're in sync with others around them and can motivate them toward a shared vision.  On a resonant team, people share ideas, make collaborative decisions, have higher energy, a greater sense of playfulness, and increased productivity.

Emotional intelligence is the basis of resonant relationships and can be readily learned.  One component that is crucial in coaching teams is emotional self-control: controlling one's needs for the good of the group.  Another is adaptability - being flexible in your approach to others.

Demagogues and dictators are also able to motivate people toward a shared vision.  Whereas benevolent resonant leaders make use of mutual respect, compassion, and an open dialogue, demagogues don't.  They get people to unite around negativity.  By encouraging fear and anger, they polarize people into "us" vs. "them".
 

Emotions are contagious and can spread in milliseconds, but not all of them spread with the same ease.  A Yale University study found that among groups of people that work together, cheerfulness and warmth spread most easily.  Irritability is less contagious and depression hardly spreads at all.

Of all emotional signals, smiles are the most contagious.  They have an almost irresistible power to cause others to smile in return.

Chronic annoying stress makes us less open and flexible and creative.  It inhibits the creation of new neurons, which in turn reduces our capacity to learn.  Anxiety and depression are common, and we more easily interpret the things people say or do as negative and threatening.

We need to counteract the stress with renewal, which makes us optimistic and peaceful.  The main components of renewal are mindfulness, hope, compassion, and playfulness.

Go play.